I ran with the Striders during the summer. I trained with Coach Kilgore and his daughter who I ended up competing against in high school (from teammates to rivals) during breaks and, when we went to college, I visited and trained with them when I came home. Coach always said that we have nothing to prove to anyone else but ourselves when we PR (personal record). I learned to set goals for myself which started with “catch the person in front.” It evolved into “beat my last race.” That's how I measured my success. If I could at the very least beat the person in front of me— and at the very most— beat myself, then my race was a success. In many aspects of my life, I remember my various track coaches and what I learned from my races. But I can't do that with writing. At least, I have not found a way to apply it. It's easy to do with sports where your successes and wins are determined by a point system or timed on a clock. There is a set of criteria that must be met. It's measurable. Art is different. Art is subjective. In the eye of the beholder. One person’s art is another's trash and vice versa. Some artists create masterpiece after masterpiece, while others create one or two notable works in their lifetime. Most were only recognized after death. Writing is no different. I struggle with Imposter Syndrome. Something I never had while running track. Every accolade and publication, I think of as a fluke. It will never happen again. My work is just not that good (this isn't me fishing for compliments or my lack of confidence in myself). It's simply feeling undeserving. Feeling doubtful in my abilities because, unlike with sports, there isn't anything measurable with art… …or is there? My Goals: Goal 1: get at least 1 publication a year. With the exception of the four years I was in Grad School, I’ve been meeting this goal. See Publications Goal 2: submit 150 queries and aim for 100 rejections (QueryTracker tracks no-responses as rejections. As of the writing of this post, I’ve had 60 confirmed rejections) It's still not enough for me, and I don't think it ever will be.
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